sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
