Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
