I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
