If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
