I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
