you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
