dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
