Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
