I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
