As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
