u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
