i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
