no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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