11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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