Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
someone get that fucking seahorse.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
