My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
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I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
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TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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