It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
