I'm jealous of your bromance
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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