Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
