I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
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