dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Hippo gnu deer
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
