I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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