Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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