That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
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my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
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She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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