She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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