I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
