tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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