i don't like sucking hair
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
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