found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
