He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Holy shit dude........stairs
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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