I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
