Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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