dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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