hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Randomize
