Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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