besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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