It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Randomize
