Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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