well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
