Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Randomize
