the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
