So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
