he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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