toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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