I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
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Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
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We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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