I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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