Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I'm both gender and math confused
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
