Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
