walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
