I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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