My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
