im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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