just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Randomize
