Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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