she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
