Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
