I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
