I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
