After last night, I could never be a politician.
if only i could text you this smell
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
