We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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