I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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