I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize