My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
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